Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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