Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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