You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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