I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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