wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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