So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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