I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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