please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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