we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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