3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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