My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
