i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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