Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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