the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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