Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize