Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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