Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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