i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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