I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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