I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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