Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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