I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize