I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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