I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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