If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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