ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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