Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize