got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize