I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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