Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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