She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think your dad took our porno
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize