Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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