talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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