thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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