So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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