Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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