I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
