If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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