If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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