I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize