If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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