You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize