apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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