I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize