i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize