So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize