hotel room ftw
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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