Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize