she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize