He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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