And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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