Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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